PTSD ~~~~~ SELF THERAPY

traumatized

I should really accept that writing is my own therapy and do it more often. The time is about 2:15am(Nigerian time) and i am struggling to shut my eyes and sleep, there is this disrespectful headache constantly pounding like an alarm and a strong feeling of unease. I have come to understand that the best way to be in control of a situation is to accept that you are in that situation then seek help or solution.

Losing someone can be extremely painful but you see losing almost all your favorite people one after the other to death~~ That is life changing. 2020/2021 changed my life and all i do now is fight, fight for my sanity ,fight for strength ,for peace etc For over a year now i have been fighting with all my demons. Pause for a minute, now imagine what losing 6/8 of my confidantes has done to me. Imagine how dreadful it is to lose someone after they get close to you. Imagine how you flog and blame yourself everyday for forming an attachment or giving/receiving love. Imagine the torture knowing someone will die or suffer hardship just by being in your life.

Well ,that is the story of my life. scared of attachments or even love from family and friends. I have found serenity in pushing people away and ghosting. Even times when subconsciously i try to open up to love and bonds something coincidentally happens and i am reminded that i am destined to die with my only companion being myself. I remember falling in love with my ex and after a while things begin to get messy for him and once again i am reminded it is my attachment( this is one long story for some other day but yeah he broke up after i had intentionally messed things up so he will get exhausted , i mean thats better than losing him to death or continously watching him suffer)

PTSD is such a real deal and take form in different ways because i have lost alot of loved ones and coincidentally have a lot of people sad or suffering that i am close to then automatically my brain has synced with this events and agreed that people die or suffer when we form an attachment or bond . I get scared and push people away in the bid to protect them no matter how much it hurts me. I somehow blame myself once a person i am close to dies or hurts. I close up and suffer a long cycle of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes it gets physical like my body vibrating and severe headaches.

Honestly, i recommend therapy for every form of ptsd and even if you cannot afford a therapist then i suggest self therapy like i am doing right now, WRITING” because it is late and my therapist would probably be snoring in bed at the moment and i can not sleep or be calm if i do not fight this demon. Asides from therapy, i am also seeing a psychiatrist(no,i am not mad rather i have a mental illness) he placed me on the best antidepressants and anxiety pills, so there is medication too but you have to get instructions from a provider.

Honestly, having a mental illness is a whole lot and it does not go away overnight regardless of treatment so it is best to just always choose to fight for you and avoid dim witted people who will constantly remind you that you are weird. Do not be like pushing people away, you heal faster with support and love so accept if from your folks. I hope we all heal soon.

With Love,Ruth.

LOST BUT FOUND

“Don’t lose yourself trying to be everything to everyone”

— TONY GASKINS

Lost girl

It feels weird again, you know? writing like I never left. I kind of debated for a long time whether to post this but I think its high time I did.Everyone has that moment I think, the moment when something so momentous happens that it rips your very being into small pieces. And then you have to stop. For a long time, you gather your pieces. And it takes such a very long time, not to fit them back together, but to assemble them in a new way, not necessarily a better way. More, a way you can live with útil you know for certain that this piece should go there and that one there.

I took a break from blogging because slowly and surely, I was losing myself. I cried every other day from exhaustion, I stressed out over the most minute things,my health was playing with my emotions and time after time again, I was swamped with several things that did not need to be prioritized. I remember feeling like I was falling and there was no way to get up, I did not know what was wrong and all I remember is looking for a way out and never finding one.

This isn’t a sob story, far from it. For the longest time, I have striven to create this “perfect” persona of someone capable of achieving anything and everything and by GOD, I hope I do achieve those dreams… However, I cannot achieve any of my dreams if I hurt myself while chasing those dreams. Like my Nigerians will say, “body no be firewood,” meaning your body is not tough like firewood. So, what I needed was a wake-up call and that trip to the hospital was mine.

I am so excited to be writing again after so long! hope this blog post counts for something because my heart skipped a lot writing this. It feels good to be back, it feels really really good. A lot hasn’t changed, I guess… well who am I kidding so much as changed since I have been away for a whole year but I think a lot more has even changed in the blogging world. To be honest I started blogging because I didn’t have friends and I’m quite introverted but I’m also a deep thinker who has alot to share . I am a passionate person with multiple interests and my blog is a reflection of me. I chose to build a brand out of myself, not an area of expertise or specific interest. ” That being said I’m BACK!

I needed a break and so I took it and I am sorry for just closing you all off. I am doing better now. I am happier, freer and most of all, I think healthier and I cannot wait to create better content for you all. Thank you to those who stayed and continued to check up on me, and to those friends who continued to push me to start back up with my blog, Y’ALL THE REAL MVP!

Love always,Ruth❤️

Self re-discovery and belief

23/03/2021 . Dear diary,Lifestyle

Recently something is happening, and it feels a little bit strange. I’ve started to believe in myself. Really, truly have faith in my own abilities and in the talents that makes me special ~ because we are all special. For a while now I’ve felt a little bit at a loss, unsure of what it is that I actually want to do with my life or why I really even need to choose. Once upon a time I was a very confident little girl with big plans. They weren’t dreams, that implies there was something fantasy about then. I was going to ‘be’ anything I wanted to be. An actress, an author, a lawyer. Then I grew up and the older I got the more I started to doubt myself, to size up the competition in a way that made me feel three inches tall. It was more than just a fear of the process though, I knew deep down it wasn’t really the path I wanted to tread but that’s difficult to say aloud when you’re already half way down the road.

Being creative and academic is both a gift and a curse. I’m not going to sit here and whine about being multi-talented (because I am, and I am not afraid to own that any more) but sometimes I have thought about about how much simpler life may be if I wasn’t expected to be such a higher achiever. I know, boo hoo. I was – and am – incredibly lucky because I have people who I know would support me whether I chose to be a rocket scientist, or an artist, or a stay at home mum. That’s because each of those roles have their equal importance in the world and getting higher grades does not make anyone more entitled or more worthy. It does, however, open a lot of doors. And sometimes when there are lots of doors open you don’t quite know which to shut and which to leap through.

A sense of uncertainty about my own future probably began when I was 20 . I was at a point in my life where everyone began asking what exactly it was I was planning on doing with it. Simultaneously, I was struggling with graduating and with my earliest experiences of depression and anxiety (and that – it’s all fun and games over here!). Which came first, I don’t know.

I persevered and whilst I will never look back on my first year with any sense of fondness I am proud that I saw it through – the good grades I somehow achieved were just a bonus. At the end of my third year I started my blog again and it was only then that I really felt motivated to get up in the morning. At university I felt incredibly lonely and as though I didn’t fit in, but I’d found an online community where I could connect with people who seemed to ‘get’ me, and have since become offline friends. This was also why I embraced Twitter because there’s always someone there who can relate to you pain .

I don’t quite know where I will end up but I feel at peace with that now – choosing wonder over fear. I feel fulfilled by the level of creativity in my life, but also by the tasks that keep my brain wired at a million miles an hour on a day to day basis. I’ve began to set my alarm earlier and earlier because I want to get up in the morning. I get to be my own accountant, my own lawyer, my own editor and fundamentally my own boss. I feel a real sense of calm at knowing that deep down I have the confidence to run with the endless possibilities and do what makes my soul happy. I’ve started to say to myself ‘Actually, I can. And I will.’ and this time I believe it too.

Thank you so much for reading!

What they didn’t tell us about being a “LADY”

Photo from Pinterest and edited with Canva

Being raised as a girl child in most African homes is difficult and can really be overwhelming most of the times that you begin to wonder if there was a need to be born and sometimes because of how you are raised you question paternity. Growing up we have practically (maybe not all of us but a good number of us) been groomed for a person who we haven’t met,I mean the husband we haven’t met. Some of us who didn’t experience this growing up in our households experienced this in some other social settings . The school,work,religious gatherings etc if you aren’t been asked about getting married then you are being cautioned about a behavior that might prevent you from getting married . In their term “ who will marry you like this” There is so much pressure to be a better person but definitely not for yourself rather for the man who you’d turn out to be his wife and then you keep wondering is there anything I could be or do just for me. It is like you don’t exist. Personally I have many times simply hated that I came to be born a woman and worst of all Nigerian. Knowing that not just me have hard a bitter experience or my own fair share of this primitive school of thought our elders share in. I decided to have ask a couple of beautiful Nigerian young ladies to share their experiences or stories as regards this topic

I had them talk about it extensively.

1. Marvellous ( CEO and Chief chef Marvs kitchen)

Growing up in a Nigerian household as a girl child is really tough, crazy and difficult especially with the standards that are being set by the society at large. 

A lot is being expected from the girl-child from age 10 if I’m not mistaken. Parents/relatives would want the girl-child to do things perfectly without making any mistakes and when she ends up making a mistake they’d be like “is this how you want to be doing in your husband’s house? Or “no man would marry you if you keep acting this way/keep making silly mistakes” but then mistakes are what makes us perfect but they don’t tell us these things instead shame us by being abusive/violent. 

A well known example is how the girl-child is being locked in the kitchen cooking from morning till night when she should be out there networking and connecting with her peers or discovering herself but instead parents sees it as a waste of time and that it won’t matter in years time because she’d be in her husband’s house cooking and taking care of of the kids. 

Growing up, i spent most of my leisure time cooking and taking care of my younger ones while my brothers are either learning a skill, playing games and developing themselves. At age 20 I was so clueless about what I wanted to be, my career path and of course parents/relatives were already singing marriage songs “you’re not getting any younger, get married and start a family” if not that I was sturbbon and determined that I wasn’t going to listen to them and I must make a name for myself and  have multiple streams of income by now I’d have been married with kids. 

I wasn’t even informed about how I can be great probably become a president, things I can achieve, businesses I can run too all they were concerned was how to make me a perfect wife material for one man I have never even seen/spoken to😂 hilarious!  Most times in my family house, whenever I make any mistake, instead of telling me the right way to do it, my parents would say, “no man would marry you like this” I hated men because of this statement! Like why not correct me and tell me how making a mistake like this would not be good if/when I become a leader, why bring a man into it? At some point, I couldn’t stay in my parents house because of these statements they make. Had to leave the house to discover myself which is really helping me. 

I grew up in a hostile environment, there was no love/respect for women. All they believe in is when you give birth to a girl-child, everyone would join hands in training her to be a wife material. No education, no nothing. But my mom made sure I got quality education although she wanted me to just do NCE then become a teacher and get married. During my NCE days, I suffered from verbal/domestic abuse every little mistake I’d collect proper shout/beating. Emphasis on is this what you want to be doing in your husband’s house? I remembered one time I almost burnt a pot of soup – it was topic of discussion for a month plus, reminding me that no man would want to live with such woman. This affected my confidence really bad. I mean how bad can it get?

2. Chibuzor (name changed for anonymity) Business woman and event anchor

“You’d regret this lifestyle”, “you are completely useless just imagine what soup can you cook” “you think if a man comes tomorrow we’d refuse to marry you off. These were the words you’d always hear from the mouth of my foster mother . It was hard enough that I was born a girl child but c’mon !!! In a primitive African home??!! Did the angel assigned to me swear an oath to make me go through intense hardship because it was hard and it still is,I am barely surviving the heat because my foster mother is the most primitive person you’d ever meet,thinks like an ancient cave man . I was never given choices,I didn’t have a choice I mean,cooking is a basic survival skill not my life assignment coming to life as “she” . I couldn’t socialize or build my life . I was to be that woman ,the marriageable one. I remember an aunt tell me men don’t like dark women anymore and in my head all I could think was “so what ??!! I am to bleach ?? “You are a girl,at 24 you should be thinking of being in your husband place,forget all this independent lady talk . She’d continue “a woman is like a flower ……..,SO WHAT??!!! I mean so??? Then the man is what?? Iron ?? It never bends. I wasn’t allowed to dream big because that would scare the “man away”

I even remember one time I went on a weekend gateaway with a couple of my friends,the kind of stares and side talks we got for simply wanting to have a good time. Believe it or not African parents are the reason the term “wife material” is a thing . I mean imagine a woman go in search of a “good” girl or “wife material” for her son just because I have refused to act like a “lady” I have refused to suffer,succumb and allow my beautiful life revolve around an ordinary man. They have indirectly encouraged suffer head as the right trait for marriage

3. Tanto O.E ( Founder and Editor,cup of tee) check her blog out https://cupofteeblog.com/

CUP OF TEE BLOG

Growing up as a stubborn child, I kept hearing the same question over and over again “is this how you will be doing in your husband’s house?” Over any issue, even the simplest ones, the same question was asked over and over again. I started to think, did I come to this life because of another person? Someone I hadn’t even met yet, I had to be training myself for the person. One day I had a conversation with my parents about some goals I want to achieve in life, some pretty big goals if I must say, and that day I was told: “men don’t like women like that.” Men don’t like powerful women with their own money? That day I told my parents plainly “I didn’t come to this life with the sole purpose of getting married or having children. I came for myself and myself alone.” And my dad ended the conversation saying, “I am scared for this girl.” Since that day, they have not brought it up again. As a woman, I can decide for myself what I want to do with my life.

4. Abbie Tayo ( creative,writer and twitter influencer : Onion Cider)

PHOTO FROM PINTEREST

As a girl what I wasn’t told about growing up is that I can actually hire a chef ! I know this may sound funny but I can actually hire a chef if I don’t feel like cooking. It doesn’t make me any less of a woman if someone else cooks my meal when I’m not in the mood or exhausted to do it .
I’m not saying I’m not a good cook In fact I cook very well my mum and YouTube videos thought me all that I need to know about food and recipes but sometimes I may be too lazy or I just want someone else to do it for me and that’s very okay !!
So no one told me I can hire a chef it was like a cook for yourself or starve forever kind of thing. Now I know it’s okay to hire a chef, heyy look on the bright side I am actually creating more employment opportunity for a good cook out there . This is what I didn’t know while growing up

5. Eyilayo (Founder and Editor of Eyilayo’s blog) https://eyilayo.com/

Growing for me was fun but there were things I’d want to do and it was, “girls don’t do this”. “girls don’t do that.” nobody told me why. For as long as I can remember it was always, ”Is this how you’ll be doing in your husband’s house?”

I remember the first day I had my period I was 11 in so much pain, I didn’t know why I was in so much pain, it was until I went to the toilet in the midnight that I saw I was stained and then I yelled for my Mum and she told me I had started my period, “mummy why does it hurt so much?” I wish they told me not just about periods but what to expect, maybe if they did I would have been prepared or aleast had an idea but I had to learn by myself and 12 years down the line, it surprises me every time.

I have a huge scar on my leg and the reason behind it annoys me every single time I see it.
I had terrible cramps that day and I couldn’t do anything, but as usual, what I got was “small period pain, you’re squeezing face, if you now want to give birth nko” ”wait sef, if your husband said he is hungry, you’ll tell him you’ve cramps abi?” I was forced to go to the kitchen, while in the kitchen hot water fell on my leg.”
So now I had pain from my cramps and then thighs , how lovely.

You know you should just have left me alone.

There’s so much they didn’t tell us so much they told us, cover-up, your body is the temple of God, all the advice were just for women
Being a woman was already so stressful at such a young age, it is still so exhausting now cause there’s so much we haven’t learnt.


I want things to get better, allow young girls to be young girls and allow women to breathe and live life, there’s so much to what we can be, why are you limiting us?

I want the best for women and I hope it gets a lot better for us not just in Nigeria but across the World.

6. Chimdi (business woman)

CHIMDI’s SERVICES

Personally my experience isn’t as bad it would have been in any other house holds considering that I am the only child of my parents. I really cannot exactly compare and contrast the way the male child is brought up because like I said earlier, I am the only child of my parents but I do remember sometimes when I’m sleeping or in bed a lot and my mum goes “what will your child or your husband ……..”” I mean ??? What is this ?? Some kind of academy grooming you for a family you are yet to meet. Even times when I’d voice out my uninterest to learn how to make a particular meal and she goes again “what will your child or your husband eat” I mean it gets super tiring for me now I can’t imagine other girls with 3/4 brothers must be hell. But basically there is still the need to be better for “marriage” and it is exhausting.

Must our only options be to squawk and settle or to never leave the nest?” “Suppose I desire something different.” “What if I want to fly?” “I truly believe I am quite capable of something more.” _ Eloise Bridgerton.

The bridgerton series goes a long way to further explain how young ladies are their entire life groomed for marriage and are made to believe that is the best thing that could happen to any woman and if you don’t have that you have failed but like ELOISE BRIDGERTON we want more!!!!

Thank you for reading, please patronize the businesses attached it will mean a lot to me. Visit the blogs attached ,those two bloggers inspire me and you’d definitely learn a thing or two from them. Please drop a comment and like after reading,it will mean a lot 💜.

Love, Lolo ❤️.

XENOPHOBIA: fear of the unknown

I have a lot of blog post all lined up in my notes and I’m certainly confused every time on which I should post and on which day I should post it. Well,today I feel some way down so I have decided to share something rather personal than random with you guys. Those who know asides from being a reader on my blog know that I’m still school and have about 2/3months to wrap that up. To be honest with you I’m super excited!!! I mean FOUR WHOLE YEARS ?!!!! I’m graduating after 4 frustrating and stressful years in a Nigerian university.

Yes,I know I said I am excited but I’m really going through it right now 😩😩,the challenge from my project to all other school work then the almighty shocker!! THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.. I’m scared of what I don’t know , I mean after school WHAT NEXT??!! There is the option of doing my masters which I’m definitely interested in but then I’m scared still. The fear of being unemployed or not making it even the fear of poverty. The fear of not achieving my dreams which right now I don’t even know anymore if they are my dreams . I am most of all scared of failing.

You think that is all?? Lol,then there is the so called “FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE” I mean the end of my allowance lifestyle . So now it’s not just about graduation for me rather this whole phase is a big deal for me and thinking of it is sending shivers down my bone. I legit run fever and sometimes cry because I am an over thinker so I stress this thing to the extreme end 😭😭. I can’t be the only person that always thinks about and plays out how beautiful their lives should be in real life exactly the way it is in their head.

Point is I am just so afraid of being idle,clueless and worst of all,”failing” I know everything will turn out fine but I’m just praying I have things figured out ASAP..

If you felt this way at some point and now you’ve figured it out and you are killing shit please let me know in the comment section so I can get over my fears too.if you feel like this currently also let me know so we can figure this thing out together and also find solutions.

Until my next blog post ,please do have a lovely evening.

Cheers 🥂

TWICE IN A BLUE MOON (book review)

Sam Brandis was Tate Jones’s first: Her first love. Her first everything. Including her first heartbreak.

During a whirlwind two-week vacation abroad, Sam and Tate fell for each other in only the way that first loves do: sharing all of their hopes, dreams, and deepest secrets along the way. Sam was the first, and only, person that Tate—the long-lost daughter of one of the world’s biggest film stars—ever revealed her identity to. So when it became clear her trust was misplaced, her world shattered for good.

Fourteen years later, Tate, now an up-and-coming actress, only thinks about her first love every once in a blue moon. When she steps onto the set of her first big break, he’s the last person she expects to see. Yet here Sam is, the same charming, confident man she knew, but even more alluring than she remembered. Forced to confront the man who betrayed her, Tate must ask herself if it’s possible to do the wrong thing for the right reason… and whether “once in a lifetime” can come around twice.

My REVIEW/THOUGHT

TWICE IN A BLUE MOON VERY MUCH REMINDED ME OF LAOW.

I don’t read second chance romances often enough to be an expert, but Tate and Sam’s story was touching, moving and beautiful. They needed a second chance. It was like neither was able to move on without the other. Both of them already found THE ONE, now it was just a case of letting the past be the past and moving on! The circumstances might have been unfortunate but the endgame was already written in the stars.

I love Hollywood inspired novels. It’s like getting a glimpse of how it’s done in Hollywood. Moreover I enjoyed all the movie related details about the set, the crew, the process.

Although part of the story was mostly about Tate’s journey, it didn’t take away from the overall beautifully crafted love story between the two star-crossed lovers. Instead it allowed for a more deeply insight into Tate’s life after the tumultuous event in London. The past and present collided in a very emotional, and heart tugging way. And I had a hard time putting the book down, which made going to work really inconvenient.

It has become clearer with each Christina Lauren book, that their standalone novels are some of my favorites. I’m always looking forward to the next release, excited to see what it will be about, because each one is unique, distinctive and compelling in its own way. Twice in a Blue Moon was no exception.

The one thing I always lament about is the missing epilogue. The ending comes way too soon, I’m always unprepared and need just a little more time to say goodbye to my favorite characters

This book was definitely a good read so I’d rate it 4 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Don’t forget to read,that’s also traveling!

To New Beginnings 🥂

It has been about 3 months maybe a little bit less or a little bit more since I have written anything. Truth be told,I wasn’t even sure I was going to write anything till maybe whenever lol. Today I’m writing and it feels different from every other day or piece I have ever written. Today I am writing from my heart not my head,writing down scribbles from my heart about how hard and absurd life is. It is beautiful yet it is difficult,literally the most difficult thing to exist is life itself. In the past year(2020) I have dealt with a different kind of pain than my entire system was used to or ready for . I lost my best friend of over 9 years and I lost two other really close friends. But for this piece I’d center on losing my best friend. Waking up everyday without my companion and the one person I had concluded with my “chi” that she was my soulmate. Nnedimma was literally the reason I functioned all through 2019 till the day she breathed her last. In my dealings with human beings I am always the weaker,emotional and fragile. She knew this and till her last breath never let me cry or hurt under her watch. She’d tolerate the things nobody could tolerate and most of all she was my diary(she knew me completely) so many things I haven’t spoken a word to my family about she knew and stood by me. Till this very day of writing this tribute/ blog post I’m finding my life difficult and full of chaos. No matter how many pictures I took ,parties I attended or fun attempts I had lost my inner peace .It’s been 7months now that my friend left and I haven’t found closure so I no longer believe in that. I’ve read a lot of books this season and I have finally decided to take their suggestion”move on by embracing myself tightly and only expressing my pain in my best/easiest way which for me is writing. I’m writing to let go of how heavy and restless my heart is,I’m writing to share this burden with the world hopefully my heart feels less burden or heavy after this piece. In the past 7 months no matter how happy I appeared to so many people,my mental health and heart has been a wreck so I now intend to fix it as well as pursue happiness and success with all my strength this new year. I’ve struggled with what exactly to name this piece and no title seems perfect or exact but it doesn’t matter just as long as I have decided to let go and embrace morning blessings. Happy new year dear readers ❤️ and cheers to new beginnings 🥂

Movie Recommendations/Review

Hey guys, *exhales* . These past weeks have been so draining ,I have been finding it quite difficult to write anything but it takes a lot of healing to bounce back so we’d take baby steps. So I have really been having worse days for a long time and most of my friends would always recommend good movies and series but as usual I’d remind them that I’m not a movie person .

Recently I really wanted to distract myself from all the pain I have been feeling and thought why not a good comedy? A good laugh should keep me in check (I thought) so I asked my boyfriend for his Netflix login and boom!!!! I have been glued . Somehow I love good tv series. I’m particularly partial to a good crime drama or something with realms and realms of episodes.A healthy habit, I know…Here’s 6 series I’ve watched recently. The good, the bad and the downright cancel-my-subscription ugly…

The stranger

1. The Stranger

WHAT is all the hype about? After giving up 8 precious hours to The Stranger, I felt pretty miffed. I was quite gripped whilst watching it simply because it was so random and unpredictable. However it quickly became apparent that about 95% of the plot was red herring. At times it felt quite soap opera-esque. If Hollyoaks made a crime drama. I got to the end and thought “wait…was that…it?” Then the more I thought about it retrospectively, the more I picked apart and hated on every episode. Oops, The same can be said for ‘Safe’, also by Harlan Cohen. I made it half way through episode two before deciding I wasn’t giving up another 6.5 hours of my life.

Orange is the new black (season 2)

2. Orange is the New Black (season 2)

I know I’m major behind the times but I finally started watching Orange is the New Black in January. I’ve just started season two and whilst I wouldn’t rave about it or necessarily sit down and give it my full focus, I’m really enjoying it as a background watch. It’s the perfect series to have playing whilst I do chores or cook!

Sex education(season 2)

I loved the first season of Sex Education and the second didn’t disappoint either. Whilst it’s occasionally a little far-fetched, they do such a good job of covering so many topics. There’s nothing I feel the writers shy away from, from masturbation to sexual assault and a-sexuality. It’s genuinely funny too and I wish it had been on when I was a teenager.

Silent Witness, BBC iPlayer

Oh, the Lyle. I used to LOVE Silent Witness. This is proper old school TV now but I’m afraid the last few seasons just haven’t cut it for me, so much so that I actually gave up on the most recent series. It just seems like they’ve exhausted every plausible story line now. Plots are fluffy and a bit boring and any real sense of fear or suspense that used to shroud the earlier seasons is long gone. London’s favourite pathologists are more like do-it-all detectives now and I’m bored of the show making the police look stupid rather than making the pathologists actually just stick to their job title.

Deadwater fell

David Tennant’s latest crime drama, Deadwater Fell, is as dark and moody as ever. This is not a whodunnit, that’s apparent very early on but it is a really quite haunting portrayal of abusive, coercive relationships. The show doesn’t shy away from hard-hitting topics including assuming a depressed character must be the culprit because obviously mental health struggles equals ‘most likely to murder your family’. Ultimately, whilst it’s certainly no Broadchurch (what is?) it’s a brooding think-piece and a worthy reminder that appearances can be oh-so deceiving.

Grey’s anatomy

4. Grey’s Anatomy (rewatching!)

Oh, Grey’s. Whatever it’s called these days, that hospital has my heart. I’ve just started rewatching Grey’s Anatomy from the very first episode and it’s definitely even better the second time around, especially watching it with someone who’s never seen it before. They’ve taken it off of Netflix but thankfully my little sister gave me her Amazon Prime login, which is probably good retribution for all the teenage years of stealing my MAC lipsticks on her behalf!

Thank you for reading ❤️

So I’m really not a pro at this movie thing but this are my genuine recommendations of movies that have had me glued and distracted in this hardtimes. Please share your own recommendations in the comment section and tell me what you think about mine . Catch ya next time !!! Love, Ruth❤️

Book review “the seven necessary sins for women and girls”

A striking anti-patriarchal manifesto.

Written “with enough rage to fuel a rocket,” the second book from Egyptian American activist Eltahawy (Headscarves and Hymens: Why the Middle East Needs a Sexual Revolution, 2015) presents a platform of female empowerment and gender equality supported by seven essential traits (anger, attention, profanity, ambition, power, violence, and lust) every woman should have in her feminist arsenal. The author advises women on how to individually resist and collectively deconstruct society’s “universal and normalized” patriarchal hierarchy by employing an interlocking series of “sins,” traditionally tabooed beliefs about women’s outward expressions of contrary opinion or personal power. Eltahawy’s opening is strong, with a chapter on how anger and rage are key components in the fight alongside ambition, sexual expression “outside the teachings of heteronormativity,” and an insistence that attention be paid to female voices instead of promoting efforts to silence them.

The section on power seeks to engage women in business and social leadership. Eltahawy is at her most controversial when discussing what she believes are the leveling benefits of physical violence in the face of patriarchal crimes. Sprinkled throughout the narrative are moving personal stories, histories, and profiles that further reinforce her plan to dismantle the rampant injustices against women. The author’s prose is feverishly enthusiastic and laser-focused, powered by teenage emotional trauma from repeated sexual assaults while on pilgrimages to Mecca, where she was warned to stay silent but ultimately vocalized her outrage. She channels the rage about her violations toward the empowerment of other women in their embrace of feminism that is “robust, aggressive, and unapologetic…a feminism that defies, disobeys, and disrupts the patriarchy.” Her urgent narrative encourages women of all ages to resist classic compartmentalization and to raise their voices and demand equality within every sector of society. “Let us always tell girls they can be more than,” she writes.

A vociferous, highly motivational call to arms for the feminist movement. Eltahawy’s rage permeates the pages of this book—her manifesto … The overall narrative creates a seemingly bleak picture of the state of women’s rights around the world. Unlike many current feminist titles, the author does not position the United States as front and center … Admittedly, due to the author’s literary style and editorial approach, this book won’t be for everyone. Some readers may be uncomfortable with the book’s generous amount of profanity … Eltahawy is thought-provoking and uncompromising. Young women who especially respond to Eltahawy’s voice can use the author’s ideas to create their own brand of feminism.

Book review “The hate u give”

I was incredibly touched by THUG and the importance of the message. And the striking difference of the main characters life to mine was SHOCKING.

Raw and authentic, THUG frightened me to the bones at times. I never encountered anything like the author depicts in my own life, and can’t even imagine how it must have been growing up in such neighborhoods or feeling such horrifying fear towards police.

The Hate U Give could have easily turned into a bleak and dreary account of violence, racism, and police brutality. But instead the author took the opportunity to tell a story that captivated, gave hope, and lifted the spirit. She did a marvelous job of balancing the chillingly reality with a dose of sass and wit thanks to the main character and her family. I can not emphasis this enough – The Hate U Give should be a MUST READ for EVERYONE. I’ll be recommending it to all of you my readers. It’s one of those books that stay with you because it covers such a current and important topic, and brings awareness to a situation that is going on all around the country. It’s so easy to forget about it if it doesn’t touch you personally, and seeing it on the news makes no difference either, we are becoming almost desensitized it. But somehow reading this book brought it (the topic) closer than ever before. It was like living it, being a part of it, and I was truly feeling PETRIFIED at times.

I truly believe that The Hate U Give is one of the best books I have ever read. Compared to the movie, I believe each character had an importance in representing a part of today’s society. Starr represented the Black youth and how your voice is the greatest weapon. Seven represented strength and how family should be top priority. Mrs. Carter represented resilience and wanting to protect family above all else. Mr. Carter represented loyalty and how he was willing to make sacrifices for the good of his family. Chris represented the GOOD that can come from white privilege and how privilege can be used as a platform to speak in support of Blacks everywhere. Hailey represented the BAD that can come from white privilege.

I was bummed that certain storylines did not stick from the book to the movie. I believe the character development of Starr was influenced by the good DeVante wanted for his family. I believe Chris represented how white privilege should truly be used as a platform in support of Blacks. Uncle Carlos was not as much of a father figure to Starr as was portrayed in the book.

Overall, I prefer the book over the movie but I think both adaptations clearly emphasize the importance of #BlackLivesMatter.

FINDING YOUR INNER STRENGTH IN TRYING TIMES

Courtesy of Pinterest

For the past four to five months I have juggled through a lot of emotional and mental distress which shows physically. Three weeks ago I began a proper journey of drawing inner strength to pull through all the hard times. I’m sharing this piece with you guys today because oh well,just because!

Life throws stressful situations at us on a daily basis, whether they’re related to relationships, finances, or health. Most people respond to this by surviving on adrenaline and simply pushing through. However, this approach only leads to burnout, exhaustion, and even more stress.

There is another way—dipping into your inner strength and using it to deal with the rough circumstances. Unfortunately, tapping into this light source can be extremely hard when you’re facing challenges and setbacks.

Here are a couple of strategies that will help you find your inner strength when you’re dealing with stress, overthinking, negative emotions, and hectic schedules.

LET GO OF SELF-VICTIMIZING THOUGHTS

Courtesy of Pinterest

The victim syndrome can take a serious toll on your mental health.

Healthy or weak, old or young, rich or poor, we all have our challenges. Some of these are easy to overcome, but some aren’t. One thing that will undoubtedly limit your ability to make things better is giving way to a “blame” thought process.

Remember that waiting for the person who broke you to fix you won’t do you any good. Not only will you waste valuable time, but also hurt yourself even more in the long run. Nobody but yourself controls the direction your life will take

LIVE HEALTHILY 

Courtesy of Pinterest

To have a healthy mind, it is necessary to lead a healthy lifestyle. This translates to eating healthy food, exercising regularly, and spending time outdoors.

All forms of exercise, including something as simple as walking, have been shown to be beneficial to mental health. Being outdoors and enjoying nature is just as important. It’s something that helps people enter into a positive frame of mind, making it easier to find inner strength and peace. 

Eating healthy food is another prerequisite for good physical and mental health. When you’re not eating well, you’re not feeling good, and this can make it a lot harder to calm yourself in stressful situations.

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD STRESS 

Courtesy of Pinterest

All people see stress as something extremely negative. It makes us feel terrible, scared, and we want to avoid it at all costs. 

However, it’s the person’s attitude toward stress that has a negative impact on their mindset and health. When you see anxiety as something horrible, you’re bound to have a harder time dealing with it. 

Shifting your viewpoint can be of great help here. Try to perceive stress as a challenge and reframe it as a learning opportunity. Instead of allowing negative thoughts to sabotage you and make you feel powerless, look at stress as a chance to reaffirm your inner strength.

PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION

Courtesy of Pinterest

Most of us encourage our friends to take care of themselves when they’re having a rough time. We help them by acting as a listening ear, or we offer to cook a meal or run errands. 

However, plenty of people don’t extend the same courtesy when it comes to caring for themselves. Practicing self-compassion, nourishing yourself, and being mindful are all important things to do when you’re having a difficult time. 

This doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding painful situations by falling into soft addictions. While we can’t visit the spa whenever we’re having trouble at the office, we can certainly take a quiet break, which we’ll use to reconnect, refresh, and regroup.

There’s generally been a lot of activities and lifestyle I’m taking seriously as regards finding your inner peace. They are daily proving to be helpful. As time goes on probably by my next post I’d be introducing you guys to the other part of the list . Pretty long and boring post but I feel it is generally going to be very helpful! Let’s talk in the comment section😊. Love ❤️, Ruth.

Butterflies in my tummy: Gangster in love

I was going to say welcome back to my blog but do I even really have the right to say that? I mean how can I only put up three posts and run away like you all don’t matter 😂. Oh well , as always I promise I’m back now and intend to be better . Well enough of all that long talk (giggles) . Let’s get right into the gist!


Well it was my birthday two months ago and basically the entire june was a good month but I’d just share few highlights because the tea I’m spilling obviously is part of June’s highlight. So here 1: I started my podcast journey ( you guys should check that out on Spotify and some other listening apps https://open.spotify.com/show/7mSN4fiJAOeHbaUiU8SX7L.

2: I started dating my long time crush (giggles) well I’d stop listing highlights at this point because I guess this is the main gist ! Remember the idea of today’s post is to tell you guys how I knew I have actually finally fallen in love (butterfly in my tummy experience)and not lust . Well I’m going to save you all the stress of hearing about how I met my crush who is now my boyfriend, I’d just dive into how I knew I was in love (blushing aggressively). Well at this point I’m expecting you all have a bottle of soft drink with probably popcorn or any other thing to munch on while reading 😊,I’ll advise you get a paper and pen so you can jot down points 🤣.


Well every single time I think of it , I just laugh and randomly begin to wonder if it is real 😂. Well here are the points that made me discover that I was in love.

1: Time flies when I’m with him ,making me look forward to always spending more time with him 2:Everything makes me consider him (this has to be the most important point for me lol, I am usually a very selfish person when it comes to certain things. I’d never consider anyone’s feeling or thoughts just mine but with him it was different.

3:I couldn’t avoid stalking his social media (smiles softly ) I would never stalk a person but with him it was completely different.

I’d really love to go on and on with how I knew butterflies were now in my tummy but I’d save the gist for next time. Remember that the point of this post is just to share my butterfly experience so you don’t blame me if you date the wrong person because you have the same butterfly tummy experiences with me.

PS: if at all my points are similar to whatever you are feeling or how you are acting towards any brother or sister then you are in love too 😂. Enjoy this rice and pepper stew with goat meat gist (I would have called it hot tea gist but it is a lovely Sunday afternoon and as a typical Nigerian girl,Rice with stew is a tradition! Bye!!! Love,Ruth ❤️.

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started